Ten weeks into a 12-week tour, I left. I was a single parent who could ill-afford to lose the income, but sustained bullying from two colleagues had left me feeling like I had no choice. The stress was surfacing as panic attacks on every lighting focus day.
I was relighting two shows a week across 12 very different venues – a demanding schedule requiring close collaboration. Two tour electricians believed they had been overlooked for my role. Rather than raise a complaint, they retaliated by doing the bare minimum, mocking me and undermining me at every opportunity. Their mistreatment was so blatant that it was commented on several times by venue crews.
Their refusal to collaborate added to my workload and the pressure I was under, but it was their cruelty that did the most damage. This was compounded by a lack of support from the production manager or original lighting designer, who claimed that things would work themselves out. Instead, the tension escalated. I felt ostracised and insecure. I began to doubt myself and whether I was suited to touring. Eventually, I left.
Looking back, I can see that the people I turned to did not have the language or knowledge to deal with what was happening. An early conversation with an independent professional outside the touring bubble might have helped me name it, understand it wasn’t my fault and advocate for myself while there was still time. Instead, I carried the shame until I could no longer cope. Perhaps had senior members of the team understood how to manage difficult behaviour and bullying, things would have improved enough for me to stay.
These are familiar problems for Tamsin Embleton, Psychotherapist and Founder of The Music Industry Therapist Collective (MITC). Describing the difficulties people bring to the confidential online Tour Check-ins, which can be booked at short notice, she said: “Often, the difficulties raised involve problems between people. Scapegoating, exclusion, cliques, harassment, intimidation, job insecurity and poorly communicated changes that go on to affect morale.”
That’s why The MITC’s new Pay It Forward Fund really matters. The industry-funded initiative offers small and mid-scale tours a free Tour Health Package, centred around ten confidential, 50-minute online Tour Check-Ins, available 24/7 to anyone in the touring party.
Crucially, the Tour Health Packages also address leadership. Tour and production managers receive a 90-minute occupational health consultation, while the whole team gets a 90-minute healthy touring workshop, supported by handouts and videos on psychological safety, tour welfare, mindset and tour health. This gives managers and crew a shared language to spot tension and other problems early, and the confidence to act. On my tour, someone could have intervened, and the two electricians might not have gotten away with it for so long.
Embleton said: “Tour and production managers are often highly skilled at delivering complex productions, but people management skills vary considerably. Leadership sets the tone and influences behaviour; they can also add to or alleviate stress around communicating change, roles and responsibilities and managing conflict. That’s why Pay It Forward takes both a top-down and bottom-up approach, moving beyond individual resilience to consider how teams work together under pressure.”
Keely Myers, Tour and Production Manager for Global Touring Office, accessed The MITC’s Tour Health support while touring with Anastacia, said: “Whilst running my tour, I experienced first-hand just how invaluable The MITC’s support can be. Touring can be an intense environment, and having someone who understands its unique pressures to talk things through with and gain perspective from was a real gift. What I particularly valued was that the support isn’t just for those struggling themselves, but also for managers supporting others. Having somewhere to turn for confidential guidance on boundaries and how best to support someone can take away a huge amount of pressure and help you feel less alone in those decisions.”
Myers’ experience is echoed by reports from larger tours that have worked with The MITC, which say their experience includes stronger working relationships, tensions resolved earlier and less pressure on leadership. Smaller tours face similar pressures but rarely have the budget for that support. The £272,000 Pay it Forward fund aims to provide free Tour Health Packages to 150 tours over three years, including the audiobook of Touring and Mental Health: The Music Industry Manual. I still remember those show-focusing days when I self-consciously stood on stage with the house crew, while two colleagues watched, laughing from the auditorium. In retrospect, I can see how much difference independent support and someone willing to intervene might have made. Thankfully today, that support exists.
To apply, please visit: www.musicindustrytherapists.com/payitforward/apply/
This story originally appeared in TPi Magazine #296.
Words: Sarah Rushton-Read
